(wiki-special opens inside New Hampshire International Speedway outside Jimmy Neutron and Blossom's hauler while Jimmy Neutron, Blossom, Edd, Jackie, Timmy, Bubbles, Carl Wheezer [NASCAR Busch Series driver], Sheen Estevez, Rolf, Kevin, and Lisa eating/drinking New England clam chowder for breakfast)
Sheen: Ahhhh... I LOVE the smell of New England clam chowder in the morning! Hey, that reminds me, Jimmy. Did you make it so they'll make a NEW New England inspired by US?!!!!
Jimmy Neutron: No, Sheen, the reason why me and my spouse, Blossom made this New England clam chowder for breakfast is because first of all, this is a special occasion due to the fact we are in Loudon, New Hampshire, and second, one of the major industries in this New England state is fishing.
Carl: You gotta be careful with fish because fish make me bloaty.
Sheen: *groans* You said that for the few ga-zillion times, Carl! We KNOW that you're allergic to fish!
Carl: Sorry, Sheen.
Jimmy Neutron: (after slurping his New England clam chowder) So Carl, umm how does it feel to win the NASCAR Busch Series race here yesterday?
Carl: Ah, it feels great. I pretended I was winning for the Llamas. *snorty laugh*
Sheen: Yeah, and you should've seen the look on Vicky's face yesterday when you made that last lap bump n' run on her in Turn #3! She was P.O'ed! *laughs* If only Ultra-Lord raced in NASCAR.
Blossom: Sheen, Ultra-lord is pure fiction.
Sheen: What does that mean?
Blossom: *short pause* Forget it. *takes a slurp of her New England clam chowder*
Carl: Even though I won yesterday's race here, I didn't want the trophy (referring to the New Hampshire Int'l Speedway winning lobster) because it made me bloaty. So they gave me the winner's prize check instead.
Rolf: Why must you mention lobsters, Ginger-Eyes?! You know Rolf has had terrible past experiences with lobsters! (referring to the "Ed, Edd n Eddy" episode "Scrambled Ed")
Kevin: Chill, man. We know how much you hate lobsters after that time Dorky's scam flooded the cul-de-sac (in reference to the "Ed, Edd n Eddy" episode "Scrambled Ed"). If you somehow win the race today, you can just do what the Carl-dude did, ask for the winner's check, or at least ask one of your crew members to hold it for you, due to the fact you ain't allergic to them like Carl.
Timmy: Yeah, you should lighten up, Stretch. And by the way, I promised Bubbles during the race-weekend that we can have a seafood dinner after the race today, since we are in Loudon, New Hampshire! Hopefully one of us can add the New Hampshire International Speedway trophy (referring to the New Hampshire Int'l Speedway winning lobster) to our menu tonight, that's IF one of us wins today's Jiffy Lube 300.
Bubbles: That's right, Timmy. *giggles* And by the way Edd, how's the car today?
Edd: The car seems fine, Bubbles. Me and my crew-members made a few adjustments to the #20 Home Depot Pontiac yesterday during Happy Hour (final practice), and despite just missing the pole position in qualifying back on Friday, clinching my 5th place starting position, my #20 Home Depot Pontiac's car handling will improve and might possibly be one of the cars to beat in today's Jiffy Lube 300.
Lisa: Trust me, there's nothing more challenging in a race weekend other than Happy Hour. Why? Because the challenging part of Happy Hour is that not only it's the last practice the day before every race, but it gives us drivers and our crew-members to tweak in the final adjustments to make the car handling perfect and get it ready for the race the day after.But the sad situation of the Happy Hour sessions before every race is that we have to be timed 1 whole hour to run on the track and make those adjustments before they wave the red flag to end the Happy Hour session.
Kevin: Trust me, Happy Hour ain't all that fun taking a few laps and coming to the garage every few laps to make adjustments and trying hard not to crash, otherwise you'd be sent to the back of the field to start the race if you did.
Bubbles: Yeah, it'd make us "Sappy Sour"! (in reference to the term "Happy Hour") *giggles*
Timmy: Luckily none of us crashed in Happy Hour yesterday. So the Team Fastex cars will not be sent to the rear of the field today!
Blossom: I'll take your word for that, Timmy! *takes another slurp of her New England clam chowder*
Jackie: Now that you mentioned going to the rear of the field, Officer Brikowski and Nelson Muntz will go to the rear of the field today to due Officer Brikowski crashing in Happy Hour yesterday, and Nelson Muntz undergoing an engine change. They will both start 42nd (Nelson Muntz) and 43rd (Officer Brikowski).
Timmy: Hah! Serves those REXCOR sh--*bleep*--heads right!
Rolf: *gasps* Filthy foul-mouths like you don't foul up the air and assault Rolf's ears!
Kevin: Rolf, you need to CHILL OUT. Everything will get better later, don't you sweat it. Was your #77 JASPER Ford good in Happy Hour yesterday?
Rolf: The #77 Gas-Pair Ford looked very well in Happy Hour yesterday and hopefully Rolf will clinch his playoff chances once he wins today's what do you say, Jiffy Lube 300?
Kevin: Rolf, first of all it's JASPER Ford, and second, you really don't stop talking about making the playoffs do ya?
Rolf: Why? The playoffs are good for Rolf. Yes?
Kevin: *groans* *scene cuts to "NASCAR Raceday: Served By The Krusty Krab"*
(In the NASCAR Winston Cup Series Garage in Timmy Turner's section)
Timmy: You know, Bubbles, like the rest of us, Cindy was a COMPLETE wreck the entire week after the terrible tragedy happened here during tire-tests at this track.
Bubbles (sadly): I know, Timmy. I really wanted to hug and cuddle with Cindy for DAYS. He was her mentor and a great NASCAR driver! *sobs sweetly while in unison, the scene transitions to Bubbles' reminisce dream, taking place in Timmy's hauler (with Timmy and Bubbles romancing) during tire-tests at New Hampshire Int'l Speedway*
Cindy Vortex: *comes in, in tears and as she sits down, she wipes the tears off her face and develops more tears in her eyes*
Bubbles: Cindy, what's wrong?
Timmy: C'mon Cin, I have seen happier faces in frowning contests!
Cindy (sadly): *gulps sadly* You know Kenny, right? *sadly sniffs*
Timmy: Of course I know him, Cindy! He's your mentor!
Cindy (sadly): H-H-He took it hard in the wall in Turns 3 & 4 w-w-when he took my car for a spin to test the track.
Bubbles: What do you mean, Cindy?
Cindy (sadly): Kenny's dead. *puts head on shoulder in deep sorrow*
Bubbles (while hugging Timmy / softly sobbing): No... *sad gasps* Not Kenny Irwin! *sobs sweetly while hugging Timmy, as Timmy tears up and sobs*
Bob Jenkins (ESPN): The NASCAR Winston Cup Series goes short-track racing today, but NOT on a short-track. Today, we at ESPN bring you live coverage of the Jiffy Lube 300 from Loudon, New Hampshire! The New Hampshire International Speedway is nicknamed "The Magic Mile", and many drivers call this racetrack "Martinsville Speedway on steroids". This famous New England racing facility is famous for 2 to 3-wide racing on the straights and single & double file racing in the flat tricky turns. And the New Hampshire International Speedway is famous for its famous lobster given to the race winner. Who will receive the "catch of the day" today? Hello Everyone, I'm Bob Jenkins, alongside former NASCAR Champion & race analyst, Benny Parsons. BP, this racetrack is definitely one of THE most toughest tracks on the schedule.
Benny Parsons (ESPN): Indeed, Bob, this track can really affect the car-handling of these race-cars. Remember, the part that you DON'T want to be on this racetrack is what drivers and crews call "no man's land", which is the top of the racetrack. You slip there, you're in the "marbles" and that can cause great damage to the car handling and possibly some tire-rubs on the car-fenders.
Bob Jenkins (ESPN): With 8 races to go before the "Chase For The Cup" playoff series, intensity is gonna be the main issue today and for the rest of the regular season.
Benny Parsons (ESPN): You're right, Bob. The drivers you didn't win a race MUST win a race in order to fill in the playoff grid in time for Springfield this September (foreshadowing the "2000 Krusty Burger 400 Fantasy Edition" wiki), but the sad part is that the "win and you're in" column is shrinking due to the multiple winners we had so far in this season. So for these last 8 races of the regular season, the drivers who are not in the playoff grid might have to win the race in order to be in it. Some of them hope that drivers who were already in the playoffs win most of these races so that they can try and make it in on championship points, but with this intense NASCAR roster, they'll go all out for a win to get in.
Bob Jenkins (ESPN): Will there be another face in Victory Lane and in the championship playoff grid? We will find out in 300 laps here in New Hampshire International Speedway. The drivers are ready, the fans are ready, and WE'RE ready for the starting of the engines here in the Jiffy Lube 300! Let's go trackside for the command!
Track P.A Announcer: And now for the most famous word in all of motorsports, please welcome your grand marshal, the star of his own classic show and today's honorary starter, Popeye The Sailor! *crowd cheers EXTREMELY loudly*
Popeye The Sailor: Well blow me down! You are the greatest fans in the world! *crowd cheers EXTREMELY loudly* So let's get this race started! GENTLEMEN, START YOUR ENGINES!!!! *laughs heartily, in unison to the HYSTERICALLY cheering crowd*
[engines start and rev loudly, in unison to the HYSTERICALLY cheering crowd]
Bob Jenkins (ESPN / in unison to the hysterically cheering crowd): We're set to go here in the Jiffy Lube 300 here in New Hampshire International Speedway! Glad you're with us on ESPN *crowd cheers LOUDER as the pace-car pulls into pit road* as the pace-car makes that hard left turn onto pit-road! Rudy Tabootie and Lisa Simpson will lead the field to the green flag, ready for the start of the Jiffy Lube 300! *cars accelerate to take the green flag waved by Popeye The Sailor, in unison to the HYSTERICALLY cheering crowd*... The green flag is out and the Jiffy Lube 300 is underway!
Barney Hall (MRN Radio): They're down to the line, green flag goes in the air and Rudy Tabootie lets the clutch out on that machine and hauls to Turn #1 and immediately, he gets out front single-file and so do the other 2 cars directly behind him as they hit Turn #2.
Dave Moody (MRN Radio): Lisa Simpson drops it single-file into 2nd! Buttercup Simpson makes a good run on the outside! She'll take 3rd, and they're double-wide for 4th as they hit the backstraightaway!
Mike Massaro (MRN Radio): The battle is on for 3rd! Buttercup Simpson's trying to hang on to it, but she'll feel double-team pressure from the back side! Bloo Kazoo sweeps to the outside as Spongebob Squarepants looks to the inside in Turn 3!
Joe Moore (MRN Radio): They're racing for the 4th position side-by-side, while the front 3 cars come down to complete Lap #1 with Rudy Tabootie showing the way by 5 car-lengths! Now further back, Eddward Marion dives underneath Squarepants, making it 3-wide at the start/finish line!
Dave Moody (MRN Radio): Squarepants will lose 2 spots as Bloo Kazoo overhauls him! Now Double-D "washes" up the racetrack! Squarepants' back to the inside! Ed Monobrow, bumping down to the inside, takes it to the apron and hangs on!
Mike Massaro (MRN Radio): And the battle is still on for 5th! Bloo Kazoo's down to the inside of Eddward Marion heading to Turn #3, but Marion slams the door and hugs the apron as he hits the corner! He'll place a challenge now for 4th as he looks up underneath Bloo Kazoo off Turn #4! *scene cuts to the ESPN Broadcast Booth*
Bob Jenkins (ESPN): Rudy Tabootie continues to show the way here in New Hampshire with Lap #2 complete *scene cuts back to the track*, and suddenly, Trixie Tang loses a couple of positions after slipping and sliding off the corners during the previous lap, but now she's trying to get back in the groove!
Benny Parsons (ESPN): She was lucky enough to save the car in those corners! *scene cuts to Trixie's cockpit*
(in Turns 1& 2)
Trixie (losing 8th and 9th place in the turns): Man, this track is difficult! I'm already losing spots in the race!
Cindy (in 8th / voice only): Relax, Trixie! It takes a few laps to adjust to this racetrack! Just be patient! *scene cuts back to the track*
Mike Massaro (MRN Radio): The traffic's continuing to stack up! Eddy McRich steps out of line and he'll attempt to make it 3-wide heading back to Turn #3! He'll squeeze underneath Francis Bull-E! Bull-E steps out of line and gives way to McRich who takes over the spot in Turn #4!
Joe Moore (MRN Radio): The front 10 cars are single-file from 11th on-back, that is where the serious battling is going on! Cindy Vortex, Sheen Estevez, and now behind them side-by-side are the cars of Trixie Tang and Eddy McRich going to Turn #1!
Dave Moody (MRN Radio): Trixie Tang still can't find room to get into the bottom of the racetrack as Eddy McRich moves underneath her! Sandy Cheeks takes it down onto the apron, trying to make a move on Bubbles Turner! She can't make it in Turn #2!
Mike Massaro (MRN Radio): Bubbles Turner now slips to the inside of the racetrack as they hit down the backstraightaway! She'll try to bypass Mojo Jojo! Mojo Jojo now gets out of the primary groove, and Bubbles Turner makes the pass in Turn #3!
Barney Hall (MRN Radio): Right now, everybody back there is just kinda scrambling to get in single-file, they don't-- (in unison, Francis screams as he spins out of control, and Finbarr Calamitous screams as he skids sideways into pit-road* *with sudden realization* WHOA! Trouble off Turn #4 as Francis Bull-E gets clipped, spins around, he's gonna smack the outside wall, and he will get away and not make any contact with anybody else. *scene cuts to the ESPN Broadcast Booth*
Bob Jenkins (ESPN): The 1st Servicemaster Clean caution flag is out in the Jiffy Lube 300 *scene cuts back to the track* after Francis Bull-E and Finbarr Calamitous wrecked coming off the 4th corner.
Benny Parsons (ESPN): Francis Bull-E's luckily to continue the race, but the crash he had will put him several laps down as he goes behind the wall and into the garage area.
Barney Hall (MRN Radio): Green flag goes back in the air, and they take off for Turn #1. Rudy Tabootie takes em' down there, and they stay single-file this time as they hit the corner.
Dave Moody (MRN Radio): And another good jump by Rudy Tabootie! He'll lead by 2 car-lengths on the bottom of Turn #1! B-Cup's riding in 2nd, Lisa Simpson in 3rd, Bloo Kazoo (4th), and Eddward Marion (5th) to the backstraightaway!
Mike Massaro (MRN Radio): And the challenge is now on for 3rd! Bloo Kazoo looks to the inside of Lisa Simpson! Simpson slides down the banking to the inside of the racetrack! She'll hold him off, but now here comes Eddward Marion! He'll slip up underneath Bloo Kazoo and take over the 4th spot as they work off Turn #4!
Bob Jenkins (ESPN): We have just received the 1-to-go signal from the chief starter here in New Hampshire International Speedway in Loudon, New Hampshire *scene cuts to the track* and we are gonna go green next time by with only 2 laps go! Ed Monobrow will be the race leader after an awesome pit-stop, with Eddy McRich in 2nd, and Kevin Shovelchin in 3rd!
Benny Parsons (ESPN): Rolf Shepherd was the race leader at the time they all came to pit-road for their final stops of the day, but Remy Buxaplenty, who came out 2nd at that time, cut him off just enough for him to stop short, and at the same time get clipped accidentally by Stanley S.Squarepants, costin' the 77 JASPER Ford a shot at the victory.
Bob Jenkins (ESPN): And also Remy Buxaplenty will have to restart at the rear of the field as a result of a black flag for being too fast off of pit-road.
Benny Parsons (ESPN): That has gotta be tough luck for the #4 Kodak Chevrolet team of Team REXCOR. *scene cuts to Rolf's cockpit*
(In Turns 1 & 2, backstretch, backstraightaway, and in Turns 3 & 4, getting ready for the final restart)
Rolf (in 19th): You should not have destroyed Rolf's chances of winning a lobster dinner and a berth of playoffs, you no-good Remy-Boy! *scene cuts to Remy's cockpit*
Remy (in 36th / snobbishly): Oh, ho ho! You should thank me really. What if the lobster woke up to feast on YOU instead?!(in reference to the "Ed, Edd n Eddy" episode, "Scrambled Ed"), and then you'd be in no condition to drive! *scene cuts to Rolf's cockpit*
Rolf (in 19th / vengefully): Oh, ho ho! Is that so, Remy-boy?! You think you can disrespect the son of a shepherd with your words of what should I say, evil?! *scene cuts to Kevin's cockpit*
Kevin (in 3rd / severely to Rolf): Rolf, you need to CHILL OUT, man. Remy's just trying to use past trauma and low words to anger you and our teammate Ed is the race leader. All he has to do is hold off Dorky for 2 more laps after the final restart. *scene cuts to Eddy's cockpit*
Eddy (in 2nd): Aw, cry me a fu--*bleep*--ing river, bazooka-chin! Ed'll throw the race for ME! Ain't that right, Ed? *snobbish laugh*
Ed (in 1st / stupidly): What?
[scene cuts to Kevin's cockpit]
Kevin (in 3rd): Uh, news flash Dorky! First, Ed ain't on Team REXCOR like you, and 2nd, aren't you forgetting Ed knows the REAL you and your evil, manipulative, stupid, ridiculous, and untrustworthy side?! (referring to "Thomas and the Magic Railroad (Fantasy Crossover Edition)") Plus, I actually LIKE Ed because he's funny and not an evil dork like you! *scene cuts to Eddy's cockpit*
Eddy (in 2nd): Oh, is that so?! Why don't you ask him in person?! *scene cuts to Ed's cockpit*
Ed (in 1st): Like autographs, Eddy?! *scene cuts to Eddy's cockpit*
Eddy (in 2nd / stupidly): See?! He's still on my side EITHER WAY! HAH! *scene cuts to Kevin's cockpit*
Kevin (in 3rd): Oh, yeah?! Wait'll we get to green and he'll SHOW you he knows the real you! *scene cuts to Eddy cockpit*
Eddy (in 2nd): HAH! I still doubt it! He's so stupid, he probably forgot he even turned on me! (referring to "Thomas and the Magic Railroad (Fantasy Crossover Edition)") [in his mind; angrily] Just like the time he forgot where he hid my magazines! (referring to the EENE episode, "Luck of the Ed") *scene cuts to Ed's cockpit*
Kevin (in 3rd / voice only): Don't worry about Dorky, Bud. Don't let him get in your head. You got this in the bag, Ed. You had a good racecar all day long, and you are the one to beat Dorky and get yourself in the playoffs as a member of Team Fastex. *as the pace car pulls into the pits* Pace-car's comin' off, bud. Show Dorky what you're made of and win this race man!
Ed (in 1st): Okey dokey, Smokey! *chuckles* That rhymed! *scene cuts to the track*
Bob Jenkins (ESPN): The green flag flies once more in the Jiffy Lube 300! Ed Monobrow floors it and gets a good restart, but Eddy McRich just won't let him get away!
Benny Parsons (ESPN): Man, Eddy is on a mission to stop Ed from adding another Team Fastex member into the "Chase For The Cup'! *scene cuts to Ed's hauler with Sarah watching the race on TV, cheering Ed on*
Sarah (cheering Ed on): C'mon, idiot brother! Grab this win and keep Eddy the evil REXCOR horsehead behind ya! *scene cuts to Ed's cockpit*
(in Turns 3 & 4)
Kevin (in 3rd ./ voice only): C'mon, Ed! You're doin' great man! Keep holdin' em' off! *scene cuts to Eddy's cockpit*
Eddy (in 2nd): Hey, Ed! Scoot over and let your ol' pal Eddy take the lead and win for ya! *scene cuts to the ESPN Broadcast Booth*
Bob Jenkins (ESPN / in unison to the crowd hysterically cheering Ed on): The white flag is out here in the Jiffy Lube 300! *scene cuts to the track* Ed Monobrow's trying his hardest to keep Eddy McRich at bay!
Benny Parsons (ESPN / in unison to the crowd hysterically cheering Ed on): Man, Ed is racin' for his life, Bob! *scene cuts to Ed's cockpit*
(frontstretch, Turns 1 & 2, backstretch, and backstraightaway)
Eddy (in 2nd / voice only): Hello?! Are you even listening to me, Lumpy?!
Ed (in 1st): Sorry, Eddy! I, Ed must conquer victory and achieve greatness for Team Fastex! And I, Ed know the real you like a bad itch! *scene cuts to Ed's cockpit*
Eddy (in 2nd): YOU KIDDIN' ME, MONOBROW?! I'm your buddy!!!! You're supposed to let ME win!!!! *scene cuts to Ed's cockpit*
Ed (in 1st): Sorry, Eddy! The number you are dialing is not in service! *scene cuts to Eddy's cockpit*
Eddy (in 2nd): Gimme that lead, Toast-for-brains! *scene cuts to Ed's cockpit*
Ed (in 1st / angrily): VICTORY GOOD FOR ED! NOT FOR SKIPPER!
Eddy (in 2nd): BRING IT ON, Horace-horse! *scene cuts to the track*
Bob Jenkins (ESPN): They dive into Turn #3 for the final time this afternoon! Eddy might have him here, but he will somehow drift up the racetrack, and Ed will get the better run in the center of the corners!
Benny Parsons (ESPN): That was Eddy's BIG mistake there, that definitely cost him the win for sure!
Bob Jenkins (ESPN / in unison to the crowd hysterically cheering for Ed as he crosses the start/finish line and wins the race): They come off the final corner, will Ed Monobrow pull it off?! Yes! (in unison, Ed cries out, "TOOT-A-LOO, SKIPPER!") Ed Monobrow will win the Jiffy Lube 300 here in New Hampshire International Speedway! (in unison, Ed cries out as he pumps his fist in the air out the window net, "YEAH!!!! I ED HAVE ACHIEVED GREATNESS!!!!") A HUGE win for the dimwitted Fastex driver! (in unison, Eddy angrily cries out in angry gibberish, "ED, YOU DOUBLECROSSER! *angry gibberish*") Ed Monobrow has become the 10th Team Fastex member to punch his ticket into the playoffs!